Does Love Have a Price Tag?
Respecting Tradition
Zhao Jian A 27-year-old Chinese engineer
I am quite open on whether it is necessary for the bridegroom to offer a dowry to the bride’s family. As long as the couple is happy, there is no reason that money will plague a marriage. It is commonly acknowledged that offering a dowry is part of China’s traditional culture. It plays a role in making the two families happy and is a tradition that certainly needs to be observed. The key is how much money the dowry should be.
There is no universal rule to determine whether the dowry is big or small. It should depend on the financial situation of the family. The rich can offer more, and vice versa.
We have also witnessed the changes in dowry payments through the years. In the 1980s, my father’s generation favored household electric appliances, such as electric torches, sewing machines, washing machines and televisions. Bicycles were also a firm favorite. But now, the expanding Chinese middle class has much higher expectations. For example, in my hometown Taiyuan, capital city of north China’s Shanxi Province, people will offer over 100,000 yuan (about $15,780) as a dowry, and the amount keeps growing. Sometimes a diamond ring and jewelry for the bride are also included.
The depth of love should not just be evaluated by the size of the dowry. Love is priceless, and has no price tag. If the bridegroom comes from a low-income family, a big dowry may become an unbearable financial burden. In addition, in China, parents will usually help their children buy a new house to help with the new marriage, which is also very expensive, especially in first-tier cities like Beijing.
Actually, the two families can find creative ways to use dowry payment. For example, dowry payment could be deposited in a bank and serve as an education fund for the next generation. The whole family will benefit a lot from such a meaningful and visionary arrangement, which also embodies the best wishes for the new couple.
In a nutshell, love is a complex and special feeling, but as long as the husband and wife love each other, marriage is rather a simple affair. Keeping a marriage simple is the key to making it last.
Expression of Happiness
Vongai Matemera A 32-year-old spouse of a Zimbabwean diplomat
Amarriage does not only involve two people having pledged themselves to each other to live as husband and wife, but is rather an arrangement that goes beyond the couple to unite their families. As a way of building the newly-established relationship, a dowry is used as an aid to express happiness of both families and the acceptance of their in-laws. The gifts vary from culture to culture and country to country.
In the Shona and Ndebele cultures in Zimbabwe, this is referred to as roora/lobola. It’s part of the culture mainly given as a token of appreciation to the bride’s family in consideration of a customary marriage. It takes place in a number of stages. At each stage of the ceremony, there are traditions to observe and small amounts to pay. The amount paid is determined during negotiations and is dependent on various factors, such as the family’s specific tradition with regard to giving the hand of their daughters in marriage. Customarily, the roora/ lobola includes a special gift to the mother and father of the bride and the actual bride dowry, which can be given in cash and cattle. Families are flexible, and they always reach a consensus in dowry negotiation, making it possible for the couple to marry.
The bridegroom pays an initial payment, but the remainder can be settled years later during the marriage. In some cases, there may be gifts to the sisters and the aunts of the bride, which will be used to help the couple prepare for their new home. After the presentation of the gifts, the new groom will be accepted as a member of the bride’s family.
This norm is widely accepted among Zimbabweans, and each family looks forward to this cer-emony. This tradition brings bonding of the two families and acts as a reunion for all family members. In addition, it adds value to the bride and her family, while also thanking and acknowledging the bride’s family.
An important point to remember is that paying a dowry is a process to establish and build a long standing relationship between the bride and the groom’s families, and it’s not a fundraising activity on the part of the bride’s family.