The Chinese Concept of Love and Marriage
Marriage plays an important role in people’s life, especially in a familycentered society such as China. Chinese people consider marriage as one of the most important events for an individual and for his or her family.
As the Chinese traditionally place family interests in a vital position, family relations play a decisive role in people’s lives. In China’s traditional patriarchal society, one did not have the freedom to decide when and with whom to get married. Marriage was not a matter of the two individuals, but of the two families, as marriage was related to the ancestral lines of the two families as well as their reputation, status and fate.
As a result, men and women were often forced to get married as to obey the will of the parents and the proposal of the matchmaker.
Why was this tradition of marriage based on family interests rather than an individual’s free will practiced for so long? From the above introduction, we can see that traditional Chinese marriages had four purposes:
First, to fulfill one’s obligation to the family. “Upon coming of age, every male should take a wife and every female a husband” was a concept that had long been held by the Chinese. Furthermore, traditionally, men were expected to marry before they turned 30 years old and women before 20. It was usually considered shameful for the family if children were still single by that age.
Second, to create a tie of blood and expand the kinship of two families.
Third, to carry on the ancestral line of the family. Giving birth to children to carry on the family name was considered the most important responsibility of marriage.
Fourth, to preserve a traditional lifestyle together. As long as the two families matched each other socially, and there was a matchmaker to introduce the two, husband and wife were required to rely on each other and help each other after marriage, whether they loved each other or not.
From this, we can see that traditional marriage in feudal China was not based on love. The real purpose was to continue the family tree. The marriage was forced to be accepted. It did not satisfy the needs of the individuals, nor was it a result of attraction between two individuals. This kind of marriage completely neglected a human’s personal needs and repressed human nature and desire.
However, social progress in China and the introduction of modern concepts into China have brought new ideas, like freedom, equal rights and democracy.
Since then, young people have begun to look for romance and to make decisions for their own marriages. Arranged marriages were abolished, and freedom of love and marriage became popular in Chinese society.
Nowadays, the Chinese family structure is quite different from the traditional one. Extended families with four generations living under one roof are rarely seen anymore. Nuclear families have become the dominant family form.
Men and women now have equal positions at home. Women are becoming more independent. Most of them work to help support the family financially. Love is now a priority in marriage and has become a major ethical standard for those deciding to marry.
An edited excerpt from The Way We Think: Chinese View of Life Philosophy published by Sinolingua Press